Week 12 - Hardest pattern to change

When I first read this in the textbook I was seriously undecided about two specific patterns, submissive and symmetrical, in terms of which was hardest to change. I had to really sit back and think about it and although I found reasons for why both were valid reasons, I knew I had to pick one. When I finally came to a decision, I felt that the HARDEST to change is the submissive pattern.

The reason I chose this one over the symmetrical pattern is because the symmetrical pattern is a battle of who wants power and who will get it. When a couple fights for the dominant position, tempers can flare and arguments will eventually arise. One major set back that I saw in this one that does not make it as hard to change is the fact that I have personally seen a number of couples, married and not married, in this pattern. Usually when there is a disagreement over a decision that needs to be made by both sides, they usually have to compromise whether it is meeting the middle of that immediate decision or one partner gets to decide now and the other gets the next decision on something else. This pattern, from what I've seen, can worked around by slightly altering the one-up position for those in the relationship. I think the reason why people are willing to change when they are in this position is because their love for the other person is greater than their desire for dominance. On the contrary, some people love the other too much to establish dominance.

The reason why I feel that the submissive pattern is the hardest to change is because, I have seen this in couples, but only the non-married ones, and I am yet to see one of these kinds of couples get married. They never make a quality decision without getting approval from the other person. Nothing moves forward until both can not only agree but make sure that the other is happy with the decision. It seems that both are scared to take the dominant position because he/she does not want the other person to feel bad or controlled. When I am at work, selling a TV to a couple or family that comes in, the ones that take up most of my time are the ones who cannot seem to make a decision because person A is not showing any interest and will take what person B wants. Person B in this situation will not choose a TV until person A makes a decision as to which one he/she likes.

For example: A man and a woman came in and the man wanted a TV with certain features, which we had a few that fit his description. So far so good. Then after a few minutes of talking about it, the man asks the woman which of the three TV's she wanted. She did not care, she just wants a TV. The man kept asking which one and the woman kept replying by telling him to pick one he wants instead. Then they got into an argument in front of me, the man started saying that he wants her to pick the TV she wants since she will be watching it too, then the woman said the same thing back. The end result, they left the store without buying a TV because they could not decide on which one to get because neither wanted to get a TV the other might not like.

That is just one example of many that I have seen, and in my particular case, my girlfriend and I go through something like this too and we end up fighting over it. A simple example would be when we both cannot decide where to eat. It will be 6:00pm and we end up eating somewhere around 9:00pm or not at all because we both would continuously say to each other that the other should pick. I think this is the hardest pattern to change because both people will always feel bad for trying to be dominant.